Tuesday. 1.18.05 5:01 am
ahh 5 am...how nice...and i have to be in class by 10 am today...great...so i was laying in bed for like 2 hours hoping to fall asleep...once again i have too much on my mind...mostly stupid little things...but i'm wide awake...and so i decided to write this up...won't be as long as my others though...i know, you're disappointed
My Mom The Liar
My family is full of a bunch of people who think they're all right...no matter how wrong they are, they're still right and theres nothing you can say about it...if they lie and you know it and they know it, they won't admit it...cuz that would mean they're wrong...now, i'm the same way cuz well, these people raised me...i just like to think of myself as not being as bad as them with this...there are times when i'll admit i'm wrong...thats usually when theres actual visual evidence and its being shoved in my face...but yeah, we're all people who think we're right...my mom especially...she is the queen of thinking she's right all the time
So last night right around 5 am i took some dishes into the kitchen and put them on the counter...couple of plates, couple of bowls, silverware, five or six cups...the usual...around 8 pm i go out there to the kitchen and i'm like "hey, when's dinner?" and my mom says "you should have put those dishes in the dishwasher like i asked last night"...now 80% of that statement was correct...i most certainly should have put them in the dishwasher (do i admit this to her? no cuz i'm Kollin...i know i'm right and never do anything wrong)...now what suddenly struck me as being wrong with this statement is the fact that she said "like i asked last night"...not one time has she been in my room in the past 3 days and said "you should put those dishes in the dishwasher"...and she most certainly did not tell me that the day i put the dishes on the counter...so what do i do? i correct her...i say " you never told me to put the dishes in the dishwasher"...she says "yes i did tell you to put them in there last night"...i say "i put those dishes on the counter at 5 am when nobody was awake, you never said put them in the dishwasher"...she then says "well you never listen to what i say unless it pertains to food or something for you"...and i say "yeah okay mom, thats fine" and walk away...she then says "now if i say theres 10 minutes until dinner, you'll actually listen"...now you might be thinking "well hmm, maybe he just didn't listen to her"...well let me tell you this...why is it that situations almost exactly like these happen A LOT?...contrary to her belief, i actually do listen and hear her when she talks to me...trust me, i would remember if she told me to put the dishes in the dishwasher...why? because the second i would put them on the counter i'd think "well shit, she told me to put them in the dishwasher didn't she"...now that doesn't mean i'd actually put them in the dishwasher...what it does mean is that i wouldn't argue with her about her saying i should put them in the dishwasher...which that means i was listening to what she had to say...i would have heard her loud and clear...however, being the lazy asshole that i can be, i just chose to put them on the counter anyways...get the difference?...there wouldn't be an arguement if i felt she was right
I argue with her about these things all the time...she'll come home from work and be like "why didn't you empty the dishwasher?"...i'll say "did you tell me to empty the dishwasher?"...and depending on her mood she'll either say "do i have to tell you to empty the dishwasher?" or "i told you before i left to empty the dishwasher"...now neither is correct...i never volunteered to empty the dishwasher on a regular basis therefore there's never time when i'm thinking "oh hey, i need to empty the dishwasher because thats a regular chore of mine"...so that takes care of statement number 1...statement number 2 is absolute bull shit...she thinks that i'm never paying attention to her...just because i don't look at you when you talk to me doesn't mean i'm not paying attention to what you have to say...just because i give you a one word answer doesn't mean i'm not paying attention to you...so i'll of course call her out on it...and she'll eventually go back to statement number 1...which obviously shows she's lying
Emptying the trash is another subject...long ago when i was a little brat my parents bribed me with money...they said "i'll pay you $2 a week if you empty the trash every other day" and i went for it...so it has been established that emptying the trash is a regular chore of mine...so when she says "do i have to tell you to empty the trash?" i don't argue it...however, unless of course i happen to walk by the trash can and think "hmm i wonder if this needs emptying" and flip it open to look, i'm not going to be thinking about emptying it...another problem is that when the trash can is 80% full my mom feels thats when its time to empty it...i happen to disagree...i feel that when its about 95% full that should be when you empty it...so in my mind the thought of emptying it doesn't cross my mind until it is at this stage...so these things kinda interfere with "do i have to tell you to empty the trash can?"...but being the great son that i am i simply don't argue it...cuz putting aside those interferences, she's technically right...its a regular chore
So the bottom line is, i do listen to her, i do hear what she has to say, i simply choose to do the wrong thing every now and then...however, when you try to lie to me about the situation to try to make me feel more in the wrong, i'm going to call you out on it and argue with you...so yes, i should have put them in the dishwasher...yes, i thought about putting them in the dishwasher...yes, i chose to be lazy and put them on the counter...BUT no, i was never told to put them in the dishwasher...and no, i'm not gonna fall for the "my son never listens to what i have to say so i'll just lie and say that i said this" kinda thing...i'm not as dumb as you think i am, mom
Such a Horrible Horrible Son
So 90% of the time when i argue with my mom it eventually leads to accusations of me being a horrible son...things that my mom says include: "you're disrespectful", "you never listen to me", "you never contribute in this family", "you never do what is asked of you" blah blah blah...i never do what is asked of me?...tell me this...why can't you knock on my door and say "hey kollin, can you do this for me?" cuz about 95% of that whole "you never do what is asked of you" type thing comes from you never telling me and saying you did tell me and i sit there and take it...yes, i tend to forget from time to time BUT i still accomplish what is asked of me...i'm disrespectful? and how exactly am i that?...when i'm home, 95% of the time i'm in my room...how can i be disrespectful to you if i'm not around you?..."you never listen to me"...ah you lie!!!..."you never contribute to this family"...really? what exactly do i need to contribute?...i do the things that are asked of me...sometimes however, i happen to disagree with the timing of when these things need to be taken care of...does that mean i don't listen? no
Now somewhere in there she'll get very close to saying "you are a horrible son"...she won't say that exactly but she's very good at mixing words up...so tell me, how exactly am i horrible son?
I'm a bad son?
The way i figure it, i haven't done anything to potentially hurt (not physically) anyone in this family in at least 6 years...and when i did do something REALLY wrong, it really wasn't that big of a deal...i drink maybe once or twice a year...i've never done drugs...i never go to parties...i never steal...i very rarely lie (everyone lies, nobody can say they don't)...i've always gotten good grades (although, i think i failed math for 3 weeks in first grade...but i took it worse than my parents)...i'm in college trying my best to get a degree...things that i use to get all the time like CDs and such, i pay for with my own money now...i even go to the movies with them and out to dinner with them...why? because i feel bad when i don't spend time with them...tell me, where in that whole mess am i horrible son?...i mean, for the love of god, you should be grateful to have a son like me...especially when you compare me to my sister who pretty much did the opposite of what i just listed up there...what the hell?
So when my mom and i really go at in an arguement several things happen...it can get physical...because of my size, this rarely happens...i'm not a pushover...the physical part only happens but once every year and a half or two years...she has slapped me before...usually now she just tries to grab my shirt, pull me close to her and yell in my face...i refuse to let her do this...when she grabs me, i grab her and warn her to get her hands off of me...so i've pushed her away and she has ripped a few shirts and scratched the shit out of me a couple times...but again, that rarely happens...thats one that can happen if it gets heated enough...now we'll have our little battle and i'll go to my room (willingly mind you...don't need to face that thing anymore than i have to)...while i'm in my room she'll proceed to yell random things and bang things against counters etc etc...then it'll get silent...i'll start to think "ah peace and quiet...she finally shut up"...just when i think that, she'll open my door and yell at me for something that doesn't even have to do with what we were arguing about...like the whole "you never contribute to this family" thing...she'll proceed to do this two or three times...then she'll get my dad on me...my dad's actually pretty cool here...he use to just go yell at me for whatever reason she said but now he rarely does...he'll actually argue that she's a pain in the ass sometimes and that theres no need to be going insane about whatever...so she'll get more pissed about that...the next day she'll usually buy me something...now you may think "aww thats nice, she's apoligizing" but she isn't...she's doing that to shove it in my face later on...if i do one thing not to her liking she'll be like "i bought you this, the least you can do is this" and proceed to yell at me...so i'll take her shit and wait until its all over with
Hey, i'm just jokin here
I like to joke around a lot...say humorous things...do humorous things...so my mom will be like "can you get me this?" and i'll say "nope" just to be funny...i do things like this all the time...or i'll say a joke and she'll laugh...whats wrong with this, you say? ah everything...things like this will come up in arguements down the road...everyone laughed, there was nothing wrong with it, but now suddenly there is...she'll be like "thats so rude and disrespectful!!"...well if you took it that way, why did you laugh and make it seem like it was okay? it was never my intention for it to be rude or disrespectful and you never took it that way...so i'll just stare at her with a weird look on my face thinking "what? are you on crack?"
The Graduation Gift
Other things like that include this example...when i get a gift, i never take it back, i never complain about it, i accept it and say thank you...well my graduation gift wasn't exactly something i liked...they got me a camera...i'm a guy, i don't take pictures very often if at all...if i was a girl, different story...then seem to love taking pictures...so i went to them and said "well its a great camera but its not something i'm going to use"...they said "when you go on trips, you can take pictures and show us"...so pretty much it was a gift for them...i said "well how often do i go on trips? maybe once a year and its always to wherever my brother is"...so i came up with a plan...i was like "okay, i don't really want the camera so since you guys were going to get one anyways, why don't you take it, i'll take the old one, and why don't you get me a cell phone"...my dad seemed perfectly happy with that...he was just like "well we want you to enjoy your gift and be happy with it"...so we did that, i got a cell phone, everyone was happy...they were gonna get me a cell phone anyways for safety reasons a month from then...so really, neither gift was really a big deal...i was very nice about the whole thing and i felt terrible at the same time and told them that...so you're thinking "well thats not bad at all...it all worked out in the end, everyone was happy"...ahh you're wrong!...that whole thing there, gets brought up every time i'm in an arguement with my mom...she'll say how it was so messed up of me to do that and that my dad was so happy about giving me the camera and i ruined it...she'll be like "you crushed your father and you really disappointed me"...pretty much she'll say things like this for 30 minutes and make me feel absolutely horrible...see, there was a situation, everyone came out of it happy, not a big deal at all...but somehow she'll make me feel like shit for it and have me thinking "what? everyone was happy with it! what are you talking about!?"...does it all the time
The Few Things I've Done Really Wrong In My Life
Okay...there isn't much when it comes to this...i happen to consider myself a pretty damn good son...the things i list off here really aren't too terrible bad when you think about them...here goes
12ish to 13 years old
Okay, this ones the worst and i got seriously punished for it...i discovered how to use checks...ahh disaster...i use to absolutely love football cards...just imagine this: the insane obsession with CDs i have now was equivalent to the obsession i had with football cards...so what are the most valuable football cards? rookie cards of very good players...so i spent somewhere around $300 of their money on football cards...i also spent like $40 on porn...now come on, i just discovered the whole masturbating thing, and i was going through puberty etc etc...so around $340...this caused mass chaos throughout the house when i was finally caught...for at least two weeks conversations with my parents were very short, very to the point, and ended in me doing some kind of chore...thats not all...no sir, not at all...how was i to make this up to my parents? sell everything of value to me until i reach $340...everything of value to me was this: my TV, my nintendo with 30 games, all of my football cards, my john elway jersey, several toys, and several other things that i enjoyed...what really killed me was the football cards...not only because they were the best thing i ever had but because all of my thousands of football cards were sold for only $100...folks, i could have picked out probably one or two cards in my collection worth that price...but none the less, that was what my dad sold them for...now, after stripping me of pretty much everything i was grounded for several months...there was only thing they would let me do, read...i'm a 13 year old guy here, do i wanna read? hell no...even with everything i liked sold, my dad says to me "well, you're still $100 short, but i'll be nice and say you don't have to pay us that back"...plus on the day i got caught, i was slapped several times by mom, and punched several times by my dad...i remember my brother saying "whats wrong with you? you couldn't have asked them for those things?" and i said some smartass comment to him and out of nowhere my dad comes charging after me, grabs me, punches me in the stomach and throws me into the couch...pretty much the worst 2 weeks of my life right there...keep in mind, my parents are not abusive at all and usually they are very lenient on these things...not on that
13ish to 14ish
We have discovered AOL...well what do you do on AOL? you chat with people...well my parents were 100% against that...i still did it...i even got myself a little online girlfriend...so i wanted to see what she looked like and i gave her my address...who happens to see the letter first? my mom...what was my punishment?...okay, i was just given my brothers old computer...this was awesome...imagine how happy i was after all of my things were sold...it had games and everything...what do my parents do? take the computer away for 7 or 8 months...it was originally going to be a year but they were nice and let me have it back after that amount of time...8 months for telling a girl my address online...what am i back to? reading
15 i think
Not too terribly bad here but it kinda goes along with saying i didn't learn my lesson...so i can go back on computers now...i can even go back online...so i start chatting with people again and i start talking to this girl on the phone...i talked to her on the phone for like 2 months or something...well there was one time when we got disconnected so i decided to call her up just to see what happend...i was worried...well she lived in denver, i lived in colorado springs, its long distance...i called her for about 2 minutes...my parents found that out obviously...my punishment?...can't go online for 6 months...a lousy 2 minute phone call got me that
Conclusion to bad things
So there you go...thats it...stupid little things...i once got a referrel at school for having rubber bands in my backpack and shooting them at things...my mom just thought it was funny...now in my personal opinion, which i think you can tell, my punishments up there were quite harsh...they certainly got their point across there but i really think they were quite harsh...i don't think i deserved those punishments...you be the judge...but going along with what i said earlier, if those are the only bad things i've done in my life, how exactly am i such a horrible son?...oh yeah, i once vandalized a house still in construction but i never got caught for that one...the people who were going to live there went around to every house asking if their kids had done it except mine...kollin would never do that...but yeah, never was caught for that one...it just involved spray paint on the drywall and one broken window...again though, i'm nowhere near being a horrible son...and i haven't done anything of that magnitude in 6 years...in 6 years, the worst thing i've done is forget to empty the trash or something...they never even had to deal with the issue of sex either...i'm still a virgin...give me a break here people
So thats my mom for you and those are the bad things i've done...i need to get at least some sleep...2 hours...before i go to class...just wanted to get all of that out...it pisses me off and its insulting when i'm even considered to be a bad son to them...it also pisses me off that they get so pissed about little things...look at your daughter! she was a billion times worse than i am!!!...i think, the anger they have towards her, was probably just carried over to me...i think they expected perfection from me after going through what happend with her (drugs, drinking, stealing cars, two kids before 19, etc etc)...just my opinions though
hahaha my parents are the same way about stuff like taking the trash out, and the dishwasher. It's annoying... i mean if they would just tell you when they needed it done and what they needed done... there wouldn't be any problems... or sometimes they tell you like a week in advance and expect you to remember... » Zig_Justice
on 2005-01-18 07:13:12
Kollin you need to start contributing to this family if you're going to live here!!!!! » Zig_Justice
on 2005-01-18 07:14:48
Coleyou're not a badon, I've been much more disrespectful to myparenst than it seems like you are. They tell me I need contribute more too and get called a bitch and told I'm selfish sometimes :(
And I'm a good daughter to them, I pay for most of my own stuff, I don't party or have sex or do drugs or drink excessively, even when I'm out....wow, long comment, huh? Anyway, *hugs and mwuah* night »
kat (184.108.40.206) on 2005-01-18 07:29:48
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