Monday. 12.27.04 5:33 pm
well i'm kinda bored...i mean theres tons that i could do, thats for sure, but i'm just in a 'i don't feel like doing anything but stare at a screen' mood...i do have a few thoughts to get out...so why not put them down in here
i guess i'll talk about my morning...i've had a sinus infection for a little while now...got it from my neice when i visited her in virginia (bad last couple of days i'll talk about later)...so i made an appointment for today...my mom was feeling one coming on so she decided to squeeze in an appointment after mine...you know, its like i turned 13 and never grew older in her mind...its fine and ignorable to a point...like i'm sitting there talking to the doctor about my symptoms and such and every 2 seconds she has to jump in there and say something...i think i can handle explaining my own symptoms...its just the way she acts around me...the way she acts when other people around and i'm in the room...the way she talks about me...its like i'm still 13 in her mind...up until i was about 18ish, she wouldn't stop saying "oh hes allergic to milk" when i'd order something without ice cream or something without a milk product to waiters...first of all its none of their business, second of all i'm the one telling the waiter what i want, not her...thank god that stopped...and you could just see in the doctors office...the doctor had her full attention on what i had to say and was explaining stuff...the second my mom started talking, the doctor's attention was focused on my mom and explaining what i needed to do, to her...it just gets to me at times
Another about my mother...like today...when i'm talking to her and debating with her about a subject she gives this attitude like "you're only 20 years old, you don't understand anything, you don't know anything, you can't survive without someone like me, you're brainless and i know everything"...i'm not the smartest person in the world but i do consider myself somewhat intelligent...she even sat there and said to my face "you're only 20, you just don't understand, someday you will"...we were debating about food and allergies and stuff like that...like i got a sinus infection, went to the doctors...i mentioned to the doctor i have another problem...after i eat and several times in a day whether i have a cold or not i still have to blow my nose...thats not normal...the doctor suggested i get checked for allergies...my mom refuses to think this problem could be something other than food related...every disease, sickness, whatever she believes is caused by food...so i'm like "alright mom, i just want to get a medical opinion on this problem"...she's like "they're just gonna tell you its food related"...i'm like "that's fine, if they tell me that then so be it, if not, then i'll do whatever they say"...i mean these people specialize in, go to college for, research, etc. allergies...there job is totally focused on allergies...my mom looks it up on the internet for 20 minutes and think's she knows everything about it...now lets see...my mom who looked it up on the internet for 20 minutes, or a doctor who's studied it for the past oh say 6 years at least?...6 years, 20 minutes...besides which, its not a bad thing to just check it out and see what they have to say...she was goin nuts...she argued with me for 45 minutes on this...then, to pretty much definately prevent me from getting it checked out she says "you're gonna get all these tests done, all of these checkups, and its gonna cost money"...then i'm like "alright, if you're gonna make such a big deal out of it, i won't go"...and she's like "don't act like you're 4 years old"...i'm acting 4 years old?...so wanting to get a medical opinion from a doctor specializing in allergies about the problem i'm having is acting like a 4 year old?
then we went back and forth on a different but kinda the same issue...see she believes food is the root of all evil concerning sickness or disease...i agree partially...certainly eating mexican food every day for 5 years is gonna fuck you up...so obviously eatting healthy helps...so i'm like "look, i've been eating much healthier...i eat whatever you give me for dinner...lunch, i don't even that much...sometimes i skip lunch...if i don't skip it, i eat something thats not gonna tear me up...on fridays and sometimes saturdays i eat some not so healthy foods but at least i'm eating more healthy than unhealthy"...which i don't think is bad at all...i'd like to enjoy some food while i'm still young and can handle it...you can't ask me to stop eating pizza for the rest of my life when thats one of my favorite foods...even if it meant i'd die 14.4 days earlier than i should be dying, i don't care...i want to enjoy the food i eat...the problem with her is, she wants me to eat according to what she eats...what does she eat? hardly anything enjoyable...she goes online for 4 hours, goes to some website that says for example "wheat is the devil" and for the next year she doesn't eat wheat...then she expects me to do the same...so i'm in the car and i'm like "look, i'm eating healthier now than i have in a long time, and i'll continue to do...i understand your standpoint on this food stuff and i do believe food can affect you in those ways"...but she still argues with me trying to force me to eat exactly what she eats...so finally i was like "i don't want to talk anymore...you won't listen to me and we're just going around in circles on this...i just want to listen to the radio"...she shuts up for maybe 30 seconds and starts in on it...i just ignored her
every time i go into the kitchen, she gets on me about what i should and should not eat...she has to know what i'm eating at all times...and when i pick something thats not to her liking, she's like "you shouldn't be eating that" and starts spouting off how this and that will kill me and what not...you know what? i'm 20 fuckin years old...i could walk off a curb, get hit by a bus and die at the age of 20...i want to enjoy my god damn food...i don't give a shit what you think...if i want to eat a pizza, i will fuckin eat a pizza and theres nothing you can do about it!...i agree, you should eat pretty healthy but when you're not guarenteed to live until you're 80 years old, you should at least enjoy your food...its not like i'm gonna go out and eat bad food every day...i just want to enjoy it sometimes...i don't think thats so much to ask...there aren't too many things i enjoy in life...food is one of the things i enjoy...so i'm gonna eat what i want when i want
I'm just getting really tired of her...hearing it every single time i have a conversation with her or every single time i go to eat something...she's like "it hurts me so much the way you're eating because its gonna hurt you so much down the road"...i'm just shaking my head...i probably eat better than 75%++ 20 year olds...i don't like candy so i don't eat it, i eat dessert maybe once every 2 weeks if that, i eat fast food maybe once a week, and what i'm eating for dinner and lunch are actual meals...vegies, different meats, etc...i even cut down drinking soda...i only have a soda once a day if that...i drink water on a regular basis...i mean what more do you want me to do woman!?...based on that alone she should shut up and leave me the hell alone
So i've had really bad heartburn for years now...i have good ways of getting rid of it now and i can control...its not even a big deal anymore...however, due to having it for so long without proper care, i'd like to see if theres any serious damage that was caused by it over the years...so i sit there and say "i'd like to go to the doctors and get some checkups done just to make sure i don't have any damage in my esophageus (spelling?) or anywhere else" to my mom...first she's like "they're gonna wanna give you medicine and what you should do is eat right...you don't need medication, you need to eat right"...i'm like "okay, i just want to see if theres any damage"...then she's like "they're gonna take x-rays and tests and its gonna cost some money"..."i'm like okay so what do you want me to do?"..."i want you to eat right"...okay so this goes around and around in circles...she doesn't want me to go to the doctors...she pretty much figures doctors are idiots, don't know what they're talking about and all they'll do is hurt you even more...she thinks all i need to do is eat the way she eats and all of my problems will immediately be solved and i'll be the healthiest person on earth...its just my opinion but i'm thinking, and again its just me here, that a doctor who oh by the way goes to college for shit i don't even know how many years, like 10+, might, and i say might, know something about sickness's and how to take care of them...doesn't that make sense? that you may actually know something about an area if you study it for years?...and why would all of these medication's be around if they were useless?
(quick break to yell at the most annoying dog in the world who won't shut the hell up because she keeps whining and picking at herself...by the way, anyone who's reading this i'll pay you $100 to steal my dog)
So anyways, i don't see a problem with getting this checked out and possibly taking some medication if theres damage there...does that seem unreasonable?...so, and this is just bull shit here, the final thing she says is "we only have partial health insurance so you'll have to go when we have full health insurance"...isn't that messed up a little though? i've had severe heartburn for years and i most likely have some serious damage in me because of it and she won't let me get it checked out...most of that time, when my heartburn was at its worse and we did have full health insurance, she wouldn't let me get anything for it because she's like "you just need to eat right"...i mean listen at the time, i could have nothing but water in a day and i'd still have heartburn...in fact its still like that and i'm eating pretty healthy...you would think, maybe i should get pills for that to at least calm it down...nope...she goes to the doctor like at least once a week for different problems and i can't go there once to get this checked out...when i get sick or get really concerned about this heart burn stuff, i'm sitting there thinking "god do i even want to deal with her or just stick this thing out for a little while longer"
I think when i move out, have my own health insurance and doctor, thats when i'll get these things checked out...thats all i can do really...if things get even more damaged in that time theres nothing i can do
Doctors aren't here to hurt people...for the most part, they don't give you medication thats gonna make you worse...in my opinion, there are cases such as the cure for the common cold that have been discovered that just hasn't been publicized because doctors wouldn't get nearly as much money...that makes sense...but thats not your actual doctor...thats someone higher up
I just don't understand the woman...i really do think she needs help...like actual help...she actually thinks wheat is a horrible thing to eat...we have no bread in our house...i had to force her to get bread just so i could have a turkey sandwhich...wheat?...wheat!?!?...come on!...she goes too far...i think that as long as you make sure you control and pay attention to the things you eat, you shouldn't have a problem...a pizza once a month isn't gonna kill me...it'll give me some heartburn sure but i have stuff for that...why would pizza be around if it was known that by eating it, you're lessening the length of your life?...same with wheat...i mean, for the love of god, thousands of years ago people ate wheat!!!!!...*shakes head*...i'll stop about this but the woman's gone mad
About my trip to Virginia...it was fun...everyone was sick and that got me sick...we went to DC and checked out the stuff there...i went to the museum of american history...which was pretty cool, i enjoyed it...i also went to the archives...saw the original constitution, delcaration of indapendence, and other documents...i dunno if you people like history or things like this but seeing the declaration of indapendence was just amazing to me...the signatures on that thing...how old it is...what it meant...just awesome...funny thing...so i start to walk into the room with that in it and on the walls are like two huge paintings or something...it looked really cool so i'm like "hey i'm gonna take a picture"...everyone else had camera's...so i take a picture and the flash goes off...in 2 seconds i have 3 security guards on me telling me to put the camera away...i'm like "okay, can i just take the flash off? everyone else has a camera"...they're like "no, you cannot use your camera anymore, you used a flash therefore you can't use it at all in this part of the building"...i mean where the hell is the sign that says no flash?...come to find out theres a little fuckin sign in the middle of the room that says it...when you first walk in there are you gonna go walk 10 or so feet to some little fuckin sign that says no flash? noooo...you're gonna start taking pictures...the walls looked cool, i started taking pictures...my brother was laughin his ass off...he's like "kollin! you took 3 years off of the declaration of indapendence! we should call mom and dad and say you were handcuffed and taken away because you used a flash"...so other than that, the archives were pretty cool
For the most part i just stayed at the house...everyone was miserable so we just relaxed
Now for the worst 2 days i've had in quite a while...so i wake up on the 22nd, i'm feeling like shit because i have a really bad sinus infection and no actual drugs besides tylenol...my flight leaves at 5:20 pm...we leave at 3...i get there with an hour left until my flight...i stand in line for my e-ticket, get up to the machine, put my card in there, press a few buttons and i get "closed for check-in"...i ask a guy what i should do, he says stand in line 1...i stand in line 1 for a while, then some woman comes up to me and is like "you have to book another flight, go on the other side"...so i go around and keep in mind its around christmas and the airports are just chaos...i ask another person and he also says "you have to book another flight, go stand in line 7"...so i stand in line 7, call my brother, call my parents...they're all worried...i stand in line for at least an hour and a half only to find out, theres no flights leaving that night and i have to wait until tomorrow to get just a standby ticket...a standby ticket just means if someone doesn't make it to there flight and theres an opening, only then can you go on the flight...so i call my brother and ask him to pick me up...2 hours later he finally picks me up...through all of those hours i was in that airport i'm blowing my nose every 10 minutes, coughing up all kinds of crap, and hauling around two heavy bags full of not only my crap but a shitload of presents...so he picks me up drives me back to his place...his in laws show up to stay the night...all of them are suppose to leave for florida in the morning...thats when my next chance at a flight is too...his in laws, yeesh...i mean i was thinking in the airport when i thought i was gonna fly out "thank god i don't have to see them"...i'm sure i jinxed myself there...so yeah i had to deal with that for several hours...everyone makes plans to wake up at 3:30 am for their flights at 9 am...so i get 3 hours of sleep, if that...i was waking up every half hour anyways because of my sinus infection...we drive all the way to the airport...i stand in line to get my stand by ticket forever...i get it...i go through so much crap with people telling me to go here and go there just to actually get to my gate...that takes like 2 hours at least...i get to my gate finally with close to 3 hours to spare...i'm thinkin "hah not missin this flight...i'm comin home!"...what happens?...i wait 3 hours just to be told the flight was full and had to book another flight...every single person made it to their flight on time and boarded the plane...i'm feelin like total shit now...i'm hoping some guy with a gun just puts me out of my misery at this point...so i have to go all the way back to the begining and stand in line again...now the security i had to go through took forever...i was chosen to have extensive security checks on my shit and myself...so i'm being checked by like 2 or 3 guys...raising my arms, raising my legs, lifting my shirt, even had to show the buttons of my pants from the other side, and get padded down while my carry on bag gets searched...they took a bunch of stuff out of the bag and investigated it...took some kind of pad with something on it and had that go all over my bag...my laptop was searched pretty good...long drawn out process...i went through that twice...back to where i was, i finally get up there to get my next standby ticket at this point i'm thinking "hmm i'm probably gonna have to get a damn room and spend the night here...i might not even get a damn flight home in time to see christmas"...its negative thinking like that, that improves your chances of actually getting somewhere...i get up there, at this point the guy actually recognizes me and knows me...hes like "ohh so you're back again"...this guy was real nice...he gave me an actual ticket instead of a standby ticket...it had a seat number and everything...i was so happy...but when's the next flight? 4 hours from then...so i go eat lunch at burger king, check out the book store...go to my gate and sit there for a while...the flights at 12:50...the time for boarding passes...they say over the intercom thing that its gonna be delayed 45 minutes...okay, thats fine, at least i have an actual ticket now...oh, there goes the positive thinking...the flight then gets delayed another hour...i finally board my plane (oh by the way, that was actually by luck because they overbooked all of the flights...so any asshole can sneak in there and get a seat pretty much)...the captain says, after everyone's all seated, that they're having problems putting the bags in and it might take a few minutes...another hour later we finally get off the ground...instead of like my first flight, which was 3 hours, it took more like 4 hours this time...finally i'm home...on the verge of death...but i'm home...i go to baggage claim...my other bag was actually sent to houston on the earlier flight cuz i had a standby ticket and your bag goes on the flight whether you make it or not...so i go the office of United and they don't know where the bag is...they tell me to see if it came on my flight...the bags come out, its not there...great...i can't get ahold of my dad whos picking me up...nobody will answer their damn phones...finally after maybe an hour, hour and a half of waiting, my dad shows up and is like "i've been looking for you everywhere, i tried calling you and i got nothing...i have your bag, lets go"...that was about it of that...pain in my ass
i have some thoughts on other things but some of its just the same crap i've talked about before...probably not interesting at all
Christmas was okay...the day after i get home from airport hell, my contacts get messed up...they look perfect, nothing seems wrong, but i can't see out of them...so for christmas i get to be sick and blind...by the way, its quite a challenge trying to drive at night with my 4 year old glasses on...i got a vcr, a cd, a dvd box set, and 2 books from my parents...i was a little disappointed at first because thats been the smallest amount of presents i've gotten in probably 10 years...but i mean, i'm 20 years old, its not like i'm a kid anymore so the amount of presents shouldn't be some enormous number...plus, i'm lucky to even be home on christmas what with all that airport shit...not to mention the biggest couple of reasons i shouldn't be disappointed...christmas isn't about presents...its about family and religion...so what if i didn't get this game or that cd...i spent christmas with my family, fattened myself up with all of that food, enjoyed my broncos winning their game, and celebrated the birth of jesus christ...you can't ask for more there
So, did you actually read all of that? holy shit...gotta love my long entries right? lol...ah, 2 hours of complaining, nothin better than that...i could go on...want me to? just jokin, i won't